Current:Home > NewsNarcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell. -FutureProof Finance
Narcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
View
Date:2025-04-13 02:48:14
Plenty of people have a "type" when it comes to dating. Narcissists are no exception.
Mental health experts warn some people are narcissist magnets − meaning they attract people who exhibit grandiosity, lack of empathy and other narcissistic traits.
These people tend to be high in empathy and other qualities narcissists prey on, or they have attributes like beauty, wealth or status that bring narcissists attention and validation, also known as narcissistic supply.
"Narcissists need narcissistic supply, meaning attention, validation and recognition from other people to fuel their grandiose sense of self," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "That means narcissists will naturally be drawn to people who are highly agreeable, who go with the flow, want to keep the peace, don't like conflict."
Are you a narcissist magnet?
Narcissists exploit others' empathy; so, if you're highly empathic, you're going to be appealing to narcissists.
"People who tend to attract narcissists are those who assume the best in others or always see someone's potential or who believe everyone can change and deserves a second chance," Cole says. "These patterns include things like overthinking, being easily guilted, second-guessing yourself, assuming the best in people, having a compassionate heart and being sensitive to others' feelings."
Narcissists target empaths because they tend to share their vulnerabilities more quickly, thus giving narcissists ammunition to hurt or manipulate them, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."
One way narcissists get empaths to open up is by revealing their own traumas early into dating.
"Humans do social reciprocity," Sarkis says. "When you're an empathic person, we tend to respond in kind, because this person just shared this stuff with us, so we are more likely to share our stuff when it's too early to do that. Keep in mind: People earn our vulnerability."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist," says people who grew up in narcissistic family systems can also fall into narcissistic relationships if they haven't worked on their trauma bonds.
She also says people who grew up in loving families may be magnets, since they tend to approach relationships with more naivete, as are those going through big life transitions, since they tend to be more emotionally vulnerable.
"Interestingly, people from incredibly happy families can be vulnerable, because they believe in love and they believe love can solve everything and all relationship problems can get worked out," she says. "They might also get locked into a cycle of forgive, forgive, forgive."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Do you keep attracting narcissists? Here's what to know:
If you think you might be a narcissist magnet, mental health experts offer the following tips for dating:
- Channel your inner cynic: Durvasula urges narcissist magnets to stay wary of love bombing and vigilant of red flags. "Generally in life, if it's too good to be true, it is," she says.
- Trust your intuition: "For empaths and highly sensitive people, the most important thing they can learn to do is to start trusting their intuition and their gut feelings," Cole says. "If you can start trusting how you feel and start leaning into your intuition rather than getting upset with it or judging it, that will be very helpful."
- Don't feel rude about leaving a date early: "We also need to normalize leaving a situation without feeling like we're being rude," Sarkis says. "Sometimes you have to just leave if you see some of these behaviors, because the longer you're sitting there with a narcissist, the more chances they have to pull you in."
- Know yourself: The better you know yourself – your values, preferences, strengths and weaknesses − the harder for narcissists to manipulate you. "The more you know about you, the less likely you are to believe what the narcissist says about you," Cole says. "A narcissist will continually gaslight you and try to control the narrative in the relationship and try to paint you as someone you're not."
- Learn what a healthy relationship looks like: "I'm struck by how many people say, 'I guess I've always worked off a checklist. I wanted someone who was hot, and I wanted someone who had a great job, and I wanted someone where we could have this really nice life and buy a house.' That's all nice stuff, but what about the kindness, the compassion, the respect, the mutuality, the reciprocity?" Durvasula says. "I can tell you, as a shrink, that's the only thing that matters."
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
veryGood! (811)
Related
- Are Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp down? Meta says most issues resolved after outages
- Tori Spelling Recalls Throwing Up on Past Date With Eddie Cibrian Before He Married LeAnn Rimes
- FDA authorizes first revamp of COVID vaccines to target omicron
- Too Cozy with Coal? Group Charges Feds Are Rubber-Stamping Mine Approvals
- Where will Elmo go? HBO moves away from 'Sesame Street'
- Rising Seas Are Flooding Norfolk Naval Base, and There’s No Plan to Fix It
- TSA expands controversial facial recognition program
- Today’s Climate: May 28, 2010
- Buckingham Palace staff under investigation for 'bar brawl'
- Costs of Climate Change: Early Estimate for Hurricanes, Fires Reaches $300 Billion
Ranking
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- Today’s Climate: May 3, 2010
- FDA expected to authorize new omicron-specific COVID boosters this week
- Maria Menounos Shares Battle With Stage 2 Pancreatic Cancer While Expecting Baby
- New data highlights 'achievement gap' for students in the US
- Late-stage cervical cancer cases are on the rise
- Late-stage cervical cancer cases are on the rise
- Why Lisa Vanderpump Is Closing Her Famed L.A. Restaurant Pump for Good
Recommendation
Backstage at New York's Jingle Ball with Jimmy Fallon, 'Queer Eye' and Meghan Trainor
Obama Rejects Keystone XL on Climate Grounds, ‘Right Here, Right Now’
See Kylie Jenner and Stormi Webster’s Sweet Matching Moment at New York Fashion Party
Kim Kardashian’s SKIMS Has Mother’s Day Gifts Mom Will Love: Here Are 13 Shopping Editor-Approved Picks
The Louvre will be renovated and the 'Mona Lisa' will have her own room
10 Sweet Treats to Send Mom Right in Time for Mother's Day
Lee Raymond
988: An Alternative To 911 For Mental Health